New Study Suggests News Climate Is Warming

jerry-lewisBy “Mostly Harmless”

A new study suggests that the IPCC is losing 10% of it’s credibility mass every month, and could have completely disappeared by Christmas.”It’s shrinking faster that we thought” said Anthony Watts the renowned skeptical blogger, who led a small team of dedicated bloggers, analysing over 10,000 news articles and blogs on the Internet. “Not one of them contained the phrase ‘The IPCC is innocent'”, explained Mr. Watts, “Not even their unofficial web-site

Intrepid Spoof reporters sought comments worldwide. Dr. Rajendra K. Pachauri, the eminent Himalayan glacier expert, was interviewed as he emerged from his hairdresser’s salon in downtown Delhi. “It’s a travesty!” he exclaimed, “I have newspaper cuttings and a 1988 photograph to prove it”.

Dr. Pachauri posed for photographs before he continued. “There was just one small error” he explained. “They wrote their reports in English. If they’d used Sanskrit, none of this would have happened”.

Dr. Pachauri spoke briefly to other reporters before posing for more photographs, and was then whisked off in his motorcade to a special meeting of the Railway Engineers Society of India, where he’s to be given a lifetime service award.

AGW skeptic Viscount Monckton of Brenchley commented “It doesn’t surprise me – if you’re striving for a New World Order you can expect a few minor scandals, though they’ve had a lot of major goofs. There’s probably a world lecture tour in this for me – privately, I’m laughing my socks off”.

This reporter sought out climate expert Dr. James Hansen in his office, surrounded by computer screens, charts and bottles of Tipp-ex and Liquid Paper.

“You shouldn’t believe these people” he fumed, waving his arms about. “They don’t use any peer-reviewed sources”.

When asked what he was currently working on, Dr. Hansen outlined his past work on eliminating the Inconvenient Warm Period –

“What did the Vikings know? They couldn’t even write, let alone submit an article to a mainstream journal. I’ve just proved that the last decade was the warmest since NOAA’s flood, and that the Arctic saw record temperatures, using interpolated gridded data based on minimal evidence. I’m currently working on LIAR – that’s Little Ice Age Redaction, and I’ll show you my work in progress” he said, knocking over a bottle of correcting fluid as he reached for a large chart.

Dr. Hansen is currently slated to be nominated for an Albert award this year, the supreme accolade for climate scientists and statisticians. This is awarded by the Gore-Bull Warming Institute, on the first day in the year that the temperature exceeds 85 Fahrenheit, as measured by the sensor located next to the engine-testing area at Dulles International airport. Because of this, nominees have to be prepared to travel at very short notice.

Head of the UK Met Office, John Hirst, said “This is nonsense, though we could have forecast a lesser effect if we’d not abandoned our long-range forecasts last month because of lack of interest”. He continued “We believe in openness and accountability, which is why we’re making available all our temperature data, along with the Sinclair ZX80 Basic program we use to adjust the data whenever we feel like it”.

Read the rest of this SATIRE at The Spoof.

4 Responses to New Study Suggests News Climate Is Warming

  1. Cubanshamoo March 26, 2010 at 4:43 am #

    Pure narcisist, like all supporters of leftist causes at UN!

  2. Hal Goar March 27, 2010 at 8:06 am #

    That was a funny read. I needed a little levity.

  3. Rob N. Hood March 30, 2010 at 11:29 am #

    This is hilarious too:

    “[N]ow we have the federal government taking over ownership or control of 51 percent of the American economy. This is stunning. Prior to September of 2008, 100 percent of the private economy was private.” Ms. Bachmann (R-Lying Lunatic) offered no facts to back up her assertion that the government owns or controls 51 percent of the U.S. economy. She added, “The New England Journal of Medicine released a survey the week that President Obama signed Obamacare stating that over 30 percent of American physicians would leave the profession if the government took over health care. That’s very serious going forward.” .. [The New England Journal of Medicine has denied it conducted or published the survey cited by Ms. Bachmann.]

  4. paul wenum April 7, 2010 at 10:45 pm #

    I love the picture!!!

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