Top Ten Reasons Climate Change is a Hoax


By Elmer Beauregard

The Senate voted this week on whether Climate Change is real or a hoax, I think it’s a hoax and here’s why.

I’m sure you’ve heard in the news that 2014 was supposed to be the hottest year ever. If it actually was “hottest year ever” you’d think all the terrible calamities that are supposed to happen would be happening now but instead the opposite is happening.

1. Record Ice

In 2014 there was record sea ice in Antarctica  in fact a global warming expedition got stuck in it. Arctic sea ice has also made a nice comeback in 2014. The Great lakes had record ice Lake Superior only had 3 ice free months in 2014. You’d think that in the hottest year ever that ice would be melting like Al Gore said.

2. Record Snow

2014 saw record snowfall in many areas, remember when they said that global warming would cause snow to disappear and children won’t know what snow is.

3. Record Cold

In 2014 we saw all kinds of cold records remember the Polar Vortex? You’d think that we’d be breaking all kinds of heat records in “the hottest year ever”

4. Oceans Are Rising Much Less Than Predicted

Al Gore predicted that oceans would rise 20 feet by 2100, it looks like were on track for about a foot. 80% of the tide gauges show less rise than the official “global average”. Many tide gauges show no rise in sea level, and almost none show any acceleration over the past 20 years.

5. Polar Bears Are Thriving

You’d think that Polar Bears would really be in trouble in 2014 “the hottest year ever” but they are thriving.

6. Moose Are Making A Comeback

A few years ago the moose population in Minnesota dropped rapidly and they immediately blamed global warming, then they did a study and found out it was actually wolves that were killing the moose. Wolves have been taken off the endangered species list and are now endangering other species so they opened a wolf hunting season in Minnesota and the moose are coming back. It turns out it had nothing to do with global warming in fact the years when the moose population declined were some very cold ones.

7. 99% of Scientists don’t believe in Catastrophic Man-Made Global Warming

You’ve probably heard over and over that 99% of scientist believe in global warming well the opposite is true. That talking point came from a study where only 75 scientists said they believe in global warming on the other hand over 31,000 scientists have signed a petition saying they don’t believe in Catastrophic Man-Made Global Warming.

8. Nature produces much more CO2 than man

In 2014 NASA finally launched a satellite that measures CO2 levels around the globe. They assumed that most of the CO2 would be coming from the industrialized northern hemisphere but much to their surprise it was coming from the rainforests in South America, Africa and China.

9. It Isn’t Actually the Warmest Year.

If you look at the satellite data 2014 was not the warmest year ever in fact there has been no global warming for over 18 years. The Reason they can say it’s the warmest year is because they are using the ground weather station data which is heavily influenced by the Urban Heat Island effect, many of which are near pavement. Even still they had to cherry pick that data to get at the warmest year ever and it is only the warmest by only two-100ths of a degree within a dataset that has a variability of a half of a degree. The fact they they had to ignore accurate data and fudge sketchy data to push their agenda proves (IMHO) that climate change is a hoax.

10. The Hypocrisy of the Main Players

One of the main reasons you can tell that global warming is a hoax is that the main purveyors of global warming live lifestyles opposite of what they preach, they all own multiple large homes and yachts and they fly around the world in private jets pushing their propaganda. Not to mention some people such as Al Gore actually profit from Carbon Taxes and other green energy laws. If they actually believed what they preached they would be leading quite different lives.

  • Whacky

    I think we should just CHANCE it. If it gets all screwed then WHO CARES it’s not us who have to pay the price, but just our kids and who gives a crap about them? Also better be sorry than safe. Safe is for TREEHUGGERS. Must have more oil and BURN that shit. Also, the ECONOMY because MONEY and REASONS.

  • Whacky

    Because Climate is NOT MAN MADE we can safely mess with it. If the world burns then it’s not our fault so we can just feel all good and WARM and fuzzy about it as our children burn in an endless desert.

  • L – Moderator #3541

    Dumb fucks by the way… all of your points are reflecting on how climate change is real…

  • Kara Hill

    *clears throat* I see the arguments you have made, and I’m in no place to reject them, but I thought you might benefit from looking at this:
    I am trying not to fall into confirmation bias by only looking at things that agree with my opinion, so I read this article. But the link I presented has stopped my doubts, and I suggest you read what is contained there. Thank you.

  • Sojourner

    They demonized CO2 so they can tax the gas that comes out your butt.
    It should be called a Butt Tax. Americans want you to pay your fair share.
    So, bend over.

  • Kevin Frasier Sr.

    Santa,easter bunny,Jesus, now climate change isn’t real either?!!!….thanks for getting the truth out there…always follow the money for the truth.

  • Charlie Chaplin

    You must be fucking retarded. “Climate Change” doesnt doesnt define it as a “bad” thing or “good thing” the point is that the balance of nature is being tampered with like never before. Politically speaking yes they speak of it as a catastrophe, but its the mere fact that humans are tampering with nature to an extent where the balance of nature cannot be restored. You must be voting for Trump.

  • Devan Mcginnis

    Just remember, as long as profit is to be made and liberals exist to help fund and support (green energy) because there so damn thoughtless and naive and impressionable as a whole. Between media, indoctrinizating education, generation to generation people are being taught to only believe there authoritative leaders. When you feel like you can’t question things, think differently, and believe things that go against the establishment, things like global warming become cash cows, rights such as your second amendment, vanish and you become a Soave to your own doing.

  • Dhanyasri Maddiboina

    You can’t just say there’s been no global warming in the past 18 years. First of all, there has been a SLOWING down of surface heating, but only since 2001 (which is actually just 15 years), but this is such a small time scale to be looking at. Also, using IMHO makes this shady article shound even less credible. This isn’t reddit.

  • Athn Affgb

    Hahaha, I love the onion! What a funny article from a funny website. … … … Wait, this is real, you actually believe this, and you haven’t been diagnosed with a learning disorder? Are you sure?

  • nope nada

    The one who wrote this article and the majority of those in the comments below still fail to see the difference between weather patterns and climate. Sad.

    of course they don’t do their own research, unless you call reading conspiracy theories research….

    again sad

  • 2019Auden W348

    Dear, Elmer Beauregard
    Many of these arguments are entirely invalid. Your reason 2 is actually in support of global warming, because it is predicted to effect storms and weather patterns. In reason 4 you say the ocean is on track to rise a foot by 2100. If the earth has not warmed at all, (as you state in your reason 9) than why is the ocean on a trajectory to rise at all? Shouldn’t the polar ice caps be accumulating if “in 2014 we saw all kinds of cold records”(reason 3), therefor sea levels would be falling. There is zero evidence or argument whatsoever is reason 5. Reason 6 simply says that global warming did not effect the moose population, however it doesn’t make any case pointing towards it being a hoax. In reason number 8, you say nature produces more CO2 than man. Thats true, but that CO2 is part of the natural cycle, and will all go back into the plants, and on earth. The issue with artificial emissions is that we disrupt the carbon cycle. Even if this was a valid point, thats like saying stealing $100 is OK, because the person you stole it from has had bigger things stolen from them before. Your reason 10 makes no sense to me, how can you disprove a theory by accusing advocates for it of hypocrisy?
    People denying climate change altogether are wrong. It is a real issue that is already effecting us, and will surely effect future generations. It does not matter what is causing it, although it is human caused, something needs to be done. Fossil fuels are a limited recourse, so alternative energy will have to become not so alternative at some point anyway. People like you who write articles like this are hurting the future and progression of the human race.

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